Sunday, September 12, 2010

"...Give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."

"Teach me your way, O Lord,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love towards me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave."

Psalm 86:11-13 (NIV)

Many times today I heard the phrase "follow your heart". Although none of these times was it directed towards me or even indirectly towards me, I thought about that common phrase. Today in Sunday School God revealed so much more to me about a huge idol in my life, one that I had not been taking seriously at all before until today when I realized that it was much bigger than I thought; and that I had somewhere in the back of my mind thought I had it under control. Yeah right, I have fooled myself again. As a pursuer of the Lord, I know that at my deepest core I am sinful. My heart's deepest desires are sinful. Jeremiah 17:9 says, 'The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" Although this idol was revealed to me back on project, I did not want to consider the seriousness of this idol. I simply tried to fight it with a half-hearted attempt, not really desiring to fight it with my whole heart, and not realizing how much of God's grace I could see on the other side knowing that my battle has already been won. And so of course, today God really revealed to me how serious this is, that putting someone above my Lord is not ok. God is jealous for me, and it is astounding to me that after all He has done for me and in me, I continue to sin against Him. So obviously, I am so much more spiritual now and my heart desires only the Lord a.k.a. I am the perfect Christian. Such lies. I hope you could note the sarcasm in that statement. I desire so much to worship my Lord with an undivided heart but at the same time I am so terribly scared to pray for that out of fear of what that might mean. I do NOT want to completely give up my idol and I am so afraid of God calling me to do exactly that.