As I get deeper into my semester teaching 2nd grade, I gain more control of the class, more authority with the class, and more love for the class and the profession.
But my second grade shenanigans don't come easily all of the time and Jesus brings me back to the reality that I try to fight so hard: I am a sinner. As I gain more authority and control with the classroom, I assume more responsibilities. But, the hardest part about the semester is exactly what it is Student Teaching. Hold up, I thought I was the teacher? I realize that I am the teacher, but at the same time, I'm not the teacher. Because ultimately, it is not my classroom and the authority is not mine and the decision at the end of the day is not mine to make. It belongs to someone else. And no matter what I do, I cannot change this. And it is shown to me how much I do not like not being in control. I want to be the one in charge, I do not want to relinquish decisions to other people. I become used to this mindset that next year, I'll have my own classroom and I'll be able to make the decisions without relying on anyone else. I will have the control. But this is a lie that I tell myself. Because in no aspect of my life am I ever in control. The Lord is in complete control of everything. He desires every part of me and I am called to surrender everything up to him.
Surrender. That word. "To give over, or resign oneself to something". "To give over, or resign oneself to [God]." All wrapped up in that word is complete dependence and complete freedom at the same time. It's a paradox. How can I be free if I am completely dependent? Am I not more free when I have the power? But no. God requires me to surrender to Him because I am to be completely dependent on Christ, in every way. Because Christ is not a sinner, He is perfect in every way. And scripture tells me that the Lord works all things for the good of those who call on him (Romans 8:28). Therefore, I do not have to worry about anything. Because the Lord is perfect, and completely in control and everything will work towards making Him known. I have the freedom of knowing that I am not in control, I do not make the ultimate decision. I have the privilege of surrendering to Christ and trusting in Him.
