Monday, March 8, 2010

So Here's the Story

Why did I change the title of my blog and the url? Well number 1. because I got tired of it 2. because I only have two followers anyway so it's not like I would have created total mayhem and chaos among the hundreds of people that are interested in the life of a PC freshman. or not. and 3. because I felt the title "Move in Day to Graduation Day" put a timeline on this blog, a limit or deadline to my thoughts. I didn't want to see and end to it. My thoughts will continue after college so I want my blog to continue after college. I will continue to grow with my God after college so I wanted to continue to share with my faithful two (really just one) about what I am learning and anyone else who may hop on board. 4. I have finally realized that I really am not creative. I was thinking today about usernames and blog titles and how I love creative titles that make you want to see what that blog is all about. Today I heard the title "Jesus Needs New PR". I laughed so hard! I love that title! I thought it was so funny! But I am not creative so instead I just titled by new blog "Insert Creative Title" because I really cannot think of something creative that pins down exactly what I talk about because I could essentially talk about anything. So call it whatever and I'll just talk about whatever.

Next thing on the list is prayer. So up until several weeks ago my definition of prayer was basically: talking to God about whatever. But after listening to a talk on prayer and coming across other random things on prayer I have learned that apparently we can experience so much more through prayer than what we currently are. Or at least what I currently am. This is intriguing to me. I never thought of really being able to connect to God through prayer. My friend Brittni once told me she sometimes feels as if she's being fake with God in her prayers, especially when praying out loud around others. As I am writing this I have realized, this is because of our sin. Why are we fake with God around others when God uses all things for his glory? Our fellow believers are there to lift us up when we are struggling, to keep us accountable, to push us more towards God, to encourage us. How can they if they don't know what is really going on? If they truly have a Christlike love for us they are not going to think we are weird if we are honest with God while praying in front of them. And this is (I think) our thinking that we need to look like we have it all together and our want for people to think we have it all together, to think we are cool. But that is sin! I am shocked to think that I have sinned by wanting people to praise me as I pray to God! After reading the latest post from Jessica over at Two Shades of Pink I realized that most of the time I too am not honest with God when I am praying. And that I think I thought it was some sort of unspoken rule that you didn't approach God in a casual way i.e. telling him honestly, flat out, how you would tell it to a friend that you are struggling with something or whatever. But really I think God wants us to do that. I think this is the same false idea people have when they think they need to clean up their lives before they come to God and accept him as their Savior and live for Him. The idea that when we pray to God we want Him to see that we've got it all together. But really that is telling Him that we don't need Him and that is so very far from the truth. Because in reality we all "have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

Speaking of Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" here's another one of my musings. I like this verse a lot because it does constantly remind me that I am a sinner. It is in my nature to sin. I was born a sinner and it is only by the boundless grace of God that I am forgiven. But there is one little word in that verse that I don't really like. The word "short". To me to say that someone has fallen short means they came sooooo close but just didn't make it. They fell just short. I think the verse should say "for all have sinned and fallen far from the glory of God. Because I am a sinner. God hates sin. Sin separates us from God. We are not deserving of anything but especially not God's grace that he gives to us anyway. Why in the world he has decided to love me and forgive me when I constantly sin against him I'll never know. No matter how hard we try to be more like Christ we will never get even close to the perfect image of God, the image he originally created us in. I am not deserving of this grace he has given me and I am reminded of that when I realize I have sinned. To not fall short of the glory of God I would have to be God and I know that I am not God nor will I ever be Him so to fall short would mean that I got sooooo close to being God but I just didn't make it. And I know that that is also so very far from the truth.

So why praise a God that I can never get anywhere close to being exactly like? Why even try to be like Him? Because He created me, and He loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for me. A long, slow, painful death that He 1. was not deserving of because Jesus was 100% God and therefore 100% perfect and 2. a death He did not have to die but He did so willingly and 3. because it doesn't matter that I continue to fall far from His glory, He still forgives me anyway and loves me unconditionally! Wow.