Thursday, July 7, 2011

What Is Love?

What is love? No I am not referring to the 90s dance song with the same title! Before I left for camp this summer, my intention for ministry with my girls was to just love on them the best way I knew how and pray hard that through my love they would catch just a small glimpse of how much they are loved and cherished by their Savior. But love comes in various forms, expressions and feelings. For a while I struggled with whether or not I truly loved my girls because of expressions I did not portray or feelings I did not have. Had I truly loved these girls all week long if I did not feel a sadness laid on my heart when they left me at the end of the week? Did I truly love these girls to the best of my ability if at the end of the week I am not expressing tears over the separation? I feel almost as if I am cheating these girls because they give so much of themselves to me and I wonder how much of myself I am giving to them? How can I love these girls better? Am I truly loving them in the utmost, Christ-like way? I don't think I will ever be able to answer that last question with a solid yes because of who I am. I am a sinner. I continue to fall far from glory daily, hourly; every 5 minutes I fall far from glory. And I see so much of my faults with these girls, so much of my sin. And yet I do not turn around and praise God, shout "Thank You Lord!" Thank you Lord for revealing my sin to me, showing me how much more I could be loving these girls and allowing you to use me to help them understand how much You love them and how You have called them precious and chosen! But how? How do I give more of myself to these girls? How do I love them more? How do I allow myself to be used more by you?

My decision: prayer. I find so much peace and comfort during prayer with the Lord. An intimate time between me and my Savior. And at times it becomes a task, not a precious moment spent together. I don't know the answers to these questions but my God does. And I think its just time I begin daily prayer - practicing thankfulness for the blessings He has given me, practicing thankfulness for each of my girls, practicing thankfulness for the opportunity to pour out love on these girls, and practicing trust; trust that my Lord has a perfect will and plan for these girls that extends far beyond me and far beyond Camp La Vida and that He will make Himself known through me if He chooses to these girls.
I am laying my burden down at the feet of my Savior, for my shoulders are not meant to carry the burden of these questions I am not meant to know the answer to.