Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fix My Eyes Upon Jesus

So bloggers, I feel a little disconnected. Maybe it hasn't been that long since my last blog post but it feels like forever. Or at least forever since I had something I was really motivated to share. But now I have something worthy of a blog post! So bloggers, many of you may not know this but the Bible and God call us to suffering to an extent. Shocker? not really. Jesus never says that following Him would be easy. He says we would endure hardships and but that we must consider everything a loss for the sake of knowing more of Him. Whether that be good things, bad things, family, friends, in comparison to a relationship with Jesus and seeking Him, they pale. Now this does not mean that we are to give up on the role He has called us to, it just tells us where our priorities must lie when we are consistently seeking His face.
So suffering - it is an aspect of everyone's life in ways: deaths, breakups, bad grades, whatever it is, it happens. But God says that we will be persecuted for knowing Him but ultimately we have to trust, claim and know that He is completely sovereign, that everything that happens is totally and completely in His control and ordained by Him. And ultimately He works all things for the good of those who have called upon Him. Now what God considers "good" and what we consider "good" may differ but ultimately we must claim, know, trust and then have it revealed to us that God's good is so much better than anything we could ever dream of.
So this semester I have not been claiming this at all, I have been ignoring the truth that His word tells me and running to...I don't know what but it hasn't been to God. I have been experiencing some difficult suffering this semester but I haven't been seeking God's purpose through it. I've been feeling trapped in a tunnel, like I can't get out and I can't see the end. I still can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Until I realized that this was where I was fixing my eyes - on the end of the tunnel. I was fixing my eyes on an end that may never become realistic, an end I may never see. Where is the hope in wishing for the end of a dark tunnel? No where. Because the hope is in the light right in front of my face that is trying to guide me through the tunnel. But I've been stubborn and attempting to guide myself through the tunnel quickly and go back to when things were better and I could easily say "thank you for all you have blessed me with God!" There is no hope in the end of the tunnel, especially because I'm not meant to know when the end of the tunnel may come - that's God's role. If I knew, then I'd be God. But I'm not. By fixing my eyes on a attempting to glimpse the end of the tunnel, I've been missing out on God's purpose for this suffering and missing out on what I could be learning and seeing through this suffering. God works all things for good by allowing us to know more of Him and see more of Him before, during, and after good times and bad times.

So pray for me as I fix my eyes upon Jesus, seek His face consistently, and pray for my girls this summer. I must consistently be seeking His face before I can even dream of leading these girls well and reflecting Christ while doing it. My prayer is that in everything I say and do, I would do it prayerfully and that it would point back towards Christ, but I cannot lead well if I am not consistently spending time with Him. If He is not constantly filling me up, then I will have nothing to pour out for these girls.