Summer Vaca and Confessions

So. After a grueling week of finals, I packed up my belongings and headed home. I still don't think it has hit me that my freshman year is over. This all so crazy. It is unreal to think that I have just 3 short years left at PC; which, one hand, feels like an eternity, and on the other, it feels like a mere second, a heartbeat, a blink of an eye. Soon I'll be out on my own, in the real world. This thought excites me but saddens me at the same time. I have so many things I want to do before I get there and I feel so confined with just 3 summers left to do them all. And yet I have a vision in my head of me, in the real world, working a dream job and loving every minute of it. However, reality checks in and I think, who knows if I will ever be able to accomplish or create some of the dreams I have? I may not be able to find a position working with kids, especially if the economy does not get any better. And I know I won't be loving every minute of my job because, like every job, there are ups and downs.
But for now I have just concentrated on laying on the couch, watching a lot of crime shows on the tv, and doing absolutely nothing. And when I say nothing, I do mean pretty much nothing. Sadly I have not had the motivation to do my devotion and as a result my time with God has been slim to none. I just cannot seem to persist, I find myself sometimes wondering if I spend time with God because I want to, or because it is what all of my friends do? I know that God has used them in so many ways to push me closer to him but many times I feel I cannot push myself closer to him. I seem to want to praise him when things are good, but yet fall from him when things are stressful or confusing.
So, I am hoping to work through this as well as my pride issues that have flaired up again this summer at the LP. I have so many expectations and yet I do not have any at all. So many people have told me how much they loved the LP when they went. And so many people have asked me if I am sooo excited. And I was excited when I applied, but somehow I have lost my excitement and I tell them yes just because it is what they want to hear. I am looking forward to this summer but I am checking myself in a way. This summer, I do not need to try and find satisfaction in my experience - in having fun and making new friends, but in growing closer to the Lord and dealing with my sin that keeps me from knowing Him.
I leave tomorrow for the whole summer so be praying for me and for the people of Myrtle Beach!

Finals Week

So during a very late night of studying, a very delirious Heidi and I were studying away on the bottom floor of the library, all by our lonesomes since everyone else had left! But nevertheless, we got sidetracked. Possibly an result of it being very late at night/very early in the morning. So we:

1. Had a long conversation about a previous conversation

2. Laid on the floor imaging we were outside looking up at a beautiful, sunny sunshine with trees and birds chirping. (Heidi needed a moment of peace and calm)

3. Were entertained by Clay and James who put on a puppet show for us

4. Watch Clay and James get fussed at by the library lady who supposedly suspected something was up with them when they walked in without any books.

5. Proceeded to Facebook stalk a girl neither of us have ever met.

6. Went to bed at 3:30 am and got up at 8 am to take an exam. Might I say it is a miracle from God that I did not fall asleep during my exam!

Oh the joys of finals week!

What Do I Know of This Love?

This song by Addison Road pretty much encompasses the way I feel a lot of the time in my walk with Christ and as I struggle through not being able to know all of Him and not being able to understand everything. It's so frustrating at times.

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

Hulu - Greek: The Half-Naked Gun

anyone up for PC's first ever Undie Run? :)