Camp Update

Hey bloggers/friends!
Some of you may know that my friend Linda and I have been praying a lot of things for camp this summer. I have been praying that as a staff team we would recognize our need for community and create an environment between the staff this summer of pushing each other to know more of Christ as that should be the most important thing to each of us in our relationships with each other. I am praying that we would reflect Acts 2:42-48 which says:

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and... many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds toall, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with  all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved." 

Also, the numbers for hired staff and registered campers have been down over the last several years. Last year we had 27 staff and about 1300 campers. A full camp would be 38 staff and about 2400 campers. So Linda and I, knowing that God is sovereign and he can do big things, prayed that God would provide 30 staff this summer and 1500 campers. This prayer has reminded me so much about God's faithfulness because I think that God is only faithful when he says yes to my prayers. But God is always faithful, no matter what, and his faithfulness does not change because of me, my unfaithfulness, or if he says no to a prayer. God has been so gracious to provide us with 31 staff and over 1000 campers registered for this summer! This is so awesome and reminds me so much that no matter what God is worthy to be praised!

What Is Love?

What is love? No I am not referring to the 90s dance song with the same title! Before I left for camp this summer, my intention for ministry with my girls was to just love on them the best way I knew how and pray hard that through my love they would catch just a small glimpse of how much they are loved and cherished by their Savior. But love comes in various forms, expressions and feelings. For a while I struggled with whether or not I truly loved my girls because of expressions I did not portray or feelings I did not have. Had I truly loved these girls all week long if I did not feel a sadness laid on my heart when they left me at the end of the week? Did I truly love these girls to the best of my ability if at the end of the week I am not expressing tears over the separation? I feel almost as if I am cheating these girls because they give so much of themselves to me and I wonder how much of myself I am giving to them? How can I love these girls better? Am I truly loving them in the utmost, Christ-like way? I don't think I will ever be able to answer that last question with a solid yes because of who I am. I am a sinner. I continue to fall far from glory daily, hourly; every 5 minutes I fall far from glory. And I see so much of my faults with these girls, so much of my sin. And yet I do not turn around and praise God, shout "Thank You Lord!" Thank you Lord for revealing my sin to me, showing me how much more I could be loving these girls and allowing you to use me to help them understand how much You love them and how You have called them precious and chosen! But how? How do I give more of myself to these girls? How do I love them more? How do I allow myself to be used more by you?

My decision: prayer. I find so much peace and comfort during prayer with the Lord. An intimate time between me and my Savior. And at times it becomes a task, not a precious moment spent together. I don't know the answers to these questions but my God does. And I think its just time I begin daily prayer - practicing thankfulness for the blessings He has given me, practicing thankfulness for each of my girls, practicing thankfulness for the opportunity to pour out love on these girls, and practicing trust; trust that my Lord has a perfect will and plan for these girls that extends far beyond me and far beyond Camp La Vida and that He will make Himself known through me if He chooses to these girls.
I am laying my burden down at the feet of my Savior, for my shoulders are not meant to carry the burden of these questions I am not meant to know the answer to.

Summertime's Calling Me - Again!

So bloggers, or non bloggers, or whoever, it's that time again - summertime. Last summer I had an amazing experience in Myrtle Beach at the Leadership Project. This summer I'm going down a slightly different direction and heading to Winnsboro, SC. Where is that? It is right outside Columbia in the White Oak area. I'm going to be living in a Cabin leading about 12 girls each week who are there to have fun, go swimming, do arts and crafts,  go on a hike, shoot archery, and learn about Jesus! I'm going to be a Cabin Leader (Counselor) at Camp La Vida! I went there several times growing up and absolutely loved it. Now I am so excited to go back and share my life and Jesus with these girls!
But I've been realizing lately that my attitude about camp has been really...selfish. I've just been sort of nonchalant about it. I am excited about it but at the same time I'm not. I have just sort of had the attitude of "I'll go to camp, I'll take care of some girls, We'll all have a lot of fun and then the summer will be over". I haven't felt motivated to pray for the summer, to pray for God to burden me for these girls, to pray about my guidance and my leadership position for the summer, or about desiring to lead this girls to Christ. If I am consumed with myself, I cannot lead this girls towards Christ because I am not reflecting Him, because I am not fixed on Him.
I need to start committing to praying for these girls daily and continuing to pray for them even while at camp. So pray for me and for my girls as I pray for me and for my girls. Pray that I would fight daily to fix my eyes on Him and pray that the Lord would guide me in all my decisions, that they would be glorifying to Him and that ultimately these girls would see Christ in me and everything I do!

Update?

Not sure about a title for this one, I just feel like it's been a while since my last blog post. So, a couple of things I've learned lately, or rather the other day. This semester I've begun to experience some hard things in my life and pretty much the first time I've really had suffering in my life since I became a Christian. They always say that whatever you run to in times of trouble, that is what you worship. When I have strife, I retreat; I run to myself, I don't spend time with God, and I tell my friends sometimes out of need but other times out of a feeling of obligation. I claim that I cannot get through my time of trouble without God but then I retreat from Him. I think I just haven't been sure as to how to handle this. It's easy for me to continue on in life as if nothing is the matter, but at the same time I know I cannot let this consume me. So, the other day I knew and felt like I really needed to spend time with God. I know I cannot handle this on my own and I just needed to run to Him. So my time with Him was just listening to praise music on Pandora and writing in my prayer journal. The Lord truly reveals a lot to me through writing in my prayer journal; He reveals sin in my life, He reveals struggles, He reveals lies, He tells me truth. And I learned that I never truly believed God could comfort me because He is not, in a sense, tangible. I believed I could find comfort from myself or from my friends, but of course they could not give me the comfort I truly needed. I had been looking at my situation as hopeless, I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I just haven't been able to see how God could glorify Himself in a situation that His word speaks against. Until God reminded me of Romans 8:28, where He tells me that He works all things for the good of those who He has called upon. God uses our sin for His glory and allows us to know more of Him through our sin sometimes. OF COURSE He could use this for His glory and He will because He is sovereign and completely in control of the situation, and although it is sinful He WILL use it for His glory. He revealed to me that this is my hope. I'm not always going to see the kind of light at the end of the tunnel I want, it is not my place or role to know the ending of some situations and this is just one of those times. He revealed to me that although I do not know what the outcome is, my hope is not in the outcome but in Him! So comforting!

I Feel Like I Do A Lot of Blog Posts About Prayer...

However, that is not exactly a reflection of my prayer life!

Last night after FCA, a group of us got together to pray about a Spring Break trip to San Diego where we will be sharing the gospel with the students of San Diego State University. Some of us are still considering the trip, some have definitely committed. But it was such a great opportunity for the whole team, or rather part of the team, to come together and get on the same page with each other! The verse I studied yesterday morning was Philippians 2:1-2 which says,
    "Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind."


This was an opportunity for us to share in the the Spirit together, to be like-minded in our goals for this trip, to be of one mind and labor together through prayer towards furthering the kingdom of God on campus at San Diego State University. Anyways, meetings like this usually go as follows: someone will step into the leadership position, sort of make a general statement about why we are there, what we all want to be praying for, etc. Then we break up into small groups of about 2-3 people and pray out loud for the things previously stated and whatever else our hearts may be burdened for concerning the circumstances. As I listened to my own prayers and then to the prayers of the two freshmen girls on either side of me I realized something: we don't always come into prayer with a pure heart intent to be with God in this way, intent on sharing with God what's going on in our lives and what our goals for whatever the circumstance is. I feel like this is a continuation of what the Lord revealed to me last year when I wrote my blog post "So Here's the Story". But we especially don't always come into prayer with a pure heart when it involves praying out loud in a situation where others will be listening. Last year this was a huge pride struggle for me! I felt my prayers needed to be deep and meaningful and that pauses or stutters in my prayers were a huge no no and resulting in my own mortification when this did happen. Because of this my prayers were always rushed and hurried by my feelings of needing to fill in the silence. But, when we come in to prayer with a pure heart, not prideful, and we simply say whatever is on our hearts at the time, whether that may result in a long prayer or a simple short prayer, our time in solace can be sweet and revealing. I truly believe that listening to the prayers of others when they come before the Lord with a humble heart reveals so much about their relationship with Him: what God has burdened them for, what they are struggling with or are fearful of struggling with, their goals, their desires, etc. And I noticed that the longer someone has been walking with God, the more intimate their prayers become, resulting in, at least for me, a much sweeter time spent with Him. Observing someone's prayers is almost as if you are peering into someone's soul, because you catch a glimpse of what their whole life is about, generally and specifically. 

"O Spirit Come Make Me Humble"

"We bow our hearts,

We bend our knees

O Spirit come make us humble

We turn our eyes

From evil things

Oh Lord we cast down our idols

So give us clean hands

and give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

Oh give us clean hands

Give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

Oh God let this be

A generation that seeks

Seeks your face, Oh God of Jacob

Oh God let us be,

A generation that seeks

Seeks your face, Oh God of Jacob"

My God,

I confess my sins to you. God I am ashamed that I often worship idols. I worship my school work, I worship facebook and the internet, I worship friends, I worship self glorification, I worship sleep, God I worship so many other things and fail to worship you so many times. God such a huge part of me desperately seeks to cast down my idols. God I desire to worship you and only you. But another huge part of me is scared to know what that might mean for relationships that I worship. I am so scared of what you might call me to do God, unwilling to rid my life of certain things even though it means knowing more of You. God I confess that I do not count everything as a loss for the sake of knowing You. Oh God, let me be a child of You, one who seeks your face. Give me a pure heart, God I desire a pure heart that seeks, loves, worships, bows down, and exalts You and only You, for You are a holy, wonderful, mighty, powerful, just, loving, faithful, God who deserves my praise. God You have provided the privilege of knowing You and so many times I do not revere our relationship, I do not see it for what it is. God I am so thankful that You have challenged me with this. I am so thankful that You have challenged me to examine my life and see where I deny You. God You have made me humble tonight and I pray that You would continue to humble me. Lord, I pray that you would bring me to my knees in worship and reverence of You, recognizing how sinful I am and how unfathomably big your grace is. God I pray that you would bring me to my knees crying "Woe is me." 

"Nothing is more vital than prayer in Christian existence, and few things are more vulnerable to neglect" - John Piper

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16

"Pray without ceasing." 1 Thessalonians 5:17

"And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." Matthew 21:22

"With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit." Ephesians 6:18

"The Spirit helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:26

"For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit." 2 Peter 1:21

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17,

"Brethren, my heart's desire and my prayer to God for them is for their salvation." Rm 10:1 (Paul is praying for his Jewish relatives)

Learning to Pray in the Spirit and the Word, Pt. 1 & 2

Excuses, Excuses. There's No Excuse

Goals

I would like to have a better prayer life.

I would like to spend more time in prayer each day.

I would like to spend more time with the girls I am trying to minister to.

I would like to spend more time in the Word each day.

I would like to be in shape.

I would like to be more faithful with memorizing scripture.

I would like to spend less time on the internet like I intended to several weeks ago.

I would like to have more rest time.

I would like to be more productive and get all of my work done in the afternoon and possibly have rest time in the evening.

Excuses

I have too much schoolwork

I don't have enough time

I don't make very good use of my time

FACEBOOK/ THE INTERNET is a big distraction

I'll do it tomorrow/ when I have more time (then it never gets done)

So Here's the Story

Why did I change the title of my blog and the url? Well number 1. because I got tired of it 2. because I only have two followers anyway so it's not like I would have created total mayhem and chaos among the hundreds of people that are interested in the life of a PC freshman. or not. and 3. because I felt the title "Move in Day to Graduation Day" put a timeline on this blog, a limit or deadline to my thoughts. I didn't want to see and end to it. My thoughts will continue after college so I want my blog to continue after college. I will continue to grow with my God after college so I wanted to continue to share with my faithful two (really just one) about what I am learning and anyone else who may hop on board. 4. I have finally realized that I really am not creative. I was thinking today about usernames and blog titles and how I love creative titles that make you want to see what that blog is all about. Today I heard the title "Jesus Needs New PR". I laughed so hard! I love that title! I thought it was so funny! But I am not creative so instead I just titled by new blog "Insert Creative Title" because I really cannot think of something creative that pins down exactly what I talk about because I could essentially talk about anything. So call it whatever and I'll just talk about whatever.

Next thing on the list is prayer. So up until several weeks ago my definition of prayer was basically: talking to God about whatever. But after listening to a talk on prayer and coming across other random things on prayer I have learned that apparently we can experience so much more through prayer than what we currently are. Or at least what I currently am. This is intriguing to me. I never thought of really being able to connect to God through prayer. My friend Brittni once told me she sometimes feels as if she's being fake with God in her prayers, especially when praying out loud around others. As I am writing this I have realized, this is because of our sin. Why are we fake with God around others when God uses all things for his glory? Our fellow believers are there to lift us up when we are struggling, to keep us accountable, to push us more towards God, to encourage us. How can they if they don't know what is really going on? If they truly have a Christlike love for us they are not going to think we are weird if we are honest with God while praying in front of them. And this is (I think) our thinking that we need to look like we have it all together and our want for people to think we have it all together, to think we are cool. But that is sin! I am shocked to think that I have sinned by wanting people to praise me as I pray to God! After reading the latest post from Jessica over at Two Shades of Pink I realized that most of the time I too am not honest with God when I am praying. And that I think I thought it was some sort of unspoken rule that you didn't approach God in a casual way i.e. telling him honestly, flat out, how you would tell it to a friend that you are struggling with something or whatever. But really I think God wants us to do that. I think this is the same false idea people have when they think they need to clean up their lives before they come to God and accept him as their Savior and live for Him. The idea that when we pray to God we want Him to see that we've got it all together. But really that is telling Him that we don't need Him and that is so very far from the truth. Because in reality we all "have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

Speaking of Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" here's another one of my musings. I like this verse a lot because it does constantly remind me that I am a sinner. It is in my nature to sin. I was born a sinner and it is only by the boundless grace of God that I am forgiven. But there is one little word in that verse that I don't really like. The word "short". To me to say that someone has fallen short means they came sooooo close but just didn't make it. They fell just short. I think the verse should say "for all have sinned and fallen far from the glory of God. Because I am a sinner. God hates sin. Sin separates us from God. We are not deserving of anything but especially not God's grace that he gives to us anyway. Why in the world he has decided to love me and forgive me when I constantly sin against him I'll never know. No matter how hard we try to be more like Christ we will never get even close to the perfect image of God, the image he originally created us in. I am not deserving of this grace he has given me and I am reminded of that when I realize I have sinned. To not fall short of the glory of God I would have to be God and I know that I am not God nor will I ever be Him so to fall short would mean that I got sooooo close to being God but I just didn't make it. And I know that that is also so very far from the truth.

So why praise a God that I can never get anywhere close to being exactly like? Why even try to be like Him? Because He created me, and He loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for me. A long, slow, painful death that He 1. was not deserving of because Jesus was 100% God and therefore 100% perfect and 2. a death He did not have to die but He did so willingly and 3. because it doesn't matter that I continue to fall far from His glory, He still forgives me anyway and loves me unconditionally! Wow.