Freedom in Surrendering

As I get deeper into my semester teaching 2nd grade, I gain more control of the class, more authority with the class, and more love for the class and the profession.
 But my second grade shenanigans don't come easily all of the time and Jesus brings me back to the reality that I try to fight so hard: I am a sinner. As I gain more authority and control with the classroom, I assume more responsibilities. But, the hardest part about the semester is exactly what it is Student Teaching. Hold up, I thought I was the teacher? I realize that I am the teacher, but at the same time, I'm not the teacher. Because ultimately, it is not my classroom and the authority is not mine and the decision at the end of the day is not mine to make. It belongs to someone else. And no matter what I do, I cannot change this. And it is shown to me how much I do not like not being in control. I want to be the one in charge, I do not want to relinquish decisions to other people. I become used to this mindset that next year, I'll have my own classroom and I'll be able to make the decisions without relying on anyone else. I will have the control. But this is a lie that I tell myself. Because in no aspect of my life am I ever in control. The Lord is in complete control of everything. He desires every part of me and I am called to surrender everything up to him.
Surrender. That word. "To give over, or resign oneself to something". "To give over, or resign oneself to [God]." All wrapped up in that word is complete dependence and complete freedom at the same time. It's a paradox. How can I be free if I am completely dependent? Am I not more free when I have the power? But no. God requires me to surrender to Him because I am to be completely dependent on Christ, in every way. Because Christ is not a sinner, He is perfect in every way. And scripture tells me that the Lord works all things for the good of those who call on him (Romans 8:28). Therefore, I do not have to worry about anything. Because the Lord is perfect, and completely in control and everything will work towards making Him known. I have the freedom of knowing that I am not in control, I do not make the ultimate decision. I have the privilege of surrendering to Christ and trusting in Him.

My First Day in Second Grade

A Student Teaching Adventure!

I've been feeling pretty apprehensive about starting my teaching this semester. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about second grade judging from a previous experience. But today went better than expected! All of my kids are super sweet and so well behaved! 

The best part of my day was when the kids came back from Related Arts and the teacher had gone to the bathroom. They stopped dead in their tracks and asked where she was. I told them she had run to the restroom and one little girl looked at me with a sly grin and said, "Does that mean we can talk?" And then one of my little boys strode over to me and gave me a huge bear hug. He squeezed me so tight! That was the first of about 3 hugs from him today. All of my students are precious and hearing about some of their stories makes me so sad and heartbroken for the sin in this world and the fact that these precious children have no control over their situations. I'm getting more excited about getting to know all of my sweet children this semester!

A Recap: Summertime at Camp and the Beginning of the End

So bloggers. Since I didn't take my computer to camp with me and I didn't get the opportunity to come home very much, you're probably wondering, what happened at camp? Well I'll tell you. Camp was indescribable. It was great, awesome, wonderful, physically hard and exhausting, emotionally hard and exhausting. This summer I led mainly middle school and high school girls. This is a completely different age group from the group the I led last summer. Leading them, loving them and being loved by them looks so different than with little girls. God showed me so much of how I don't know how to lead people, and it's not up to me to know. Because the work that is done in the hearts of these girls is not me, it's God. I just take every advantage to share the love of Christ with them and talk to them about my own experiences learning that Jesus is the only thing that is satisfying. Faithfulness is what God has commanded of me. God has not commanded me to fulfill my ideas of success, because my ideas of success are not His. They stem from pride, from sin, from making myself greater and Him less.

A big thing I learned this summer is that God is not set in my ideas of Him. The way that God chooses to show himself to his children is specific to them and there are countless ways in which he does this. When my girls are laughing and having fun with each other and me in the swimming pool, this is God. When they are successful at a new activity such as archery and riflery, this is God. When they are mad at me because they only have 3 minutes in the shower or because they didn't rest during rest time and so they have to get out of the pool early, this is God. God is allowing them to have fun at camp, to feel love from their cabin mates and from me, giving them just a small glimpse of His love for them and what He desires for them. Just as God reveals himself differently, each of his children are different in countless ways. We relate to each other differently, we interpret our experiences differently, we view God differently, we relate to God differently and we worship Him differently. How amazing is it that God could create such a diverse population and that He is worshiped in so many different ways by His children? God developed a passion in my heart for seeing high school girls be called to Him and for them to see and treasure that being a Christian is not culture defined. I want them to see just how broken the world is that we have taken something so beautiful as the life that Christ has called us to and made it something that revolves around us, something that is not good and something that does not push us to know more of Jesus but to know more of what the world has to offer to us.

Last Christmas I thought about doing missions after graduation during our Campus Outreach Christmas conference. I had no idea what this would look like and I hadn't heard of anything that had really grabbed my attention or that I felt a desire to pursue. But God put that on my heart again this summer as I saw Him work in the lives of my campers. I want to do missions after graduation and not go straight into the workforce. I am praying about opportunities but one big one I am praying about is The World Race. It is eleven months in eleven countries serving people, being used by God, being challenged by God and sharing the gospel! Check out this blog from a girl currently on The World Race!

http://rachelrush.theworldrace.org/

"Beautiful Things" - juhst another summer

My friend Linda has some awesome things to say about how the staff are growing in their relationship with God this summer so go read about it!